Imagine a world where every family is built on a foundation of love, clarity and harmony. Where generational trauma is healed, difficult conversations lead to breakthroughs, and relationships aren’t just surviving but thriving. Sounds like a dream, right? Well, today’s guest had made it her mission to turn this vision into reality.
In this episode of The Agent of Wealth Podcast, host Marc Bautis is joined by Rebeccah Silence, a Self Healing and Relationship Expert, award-winning author, and transformational coach. Whether you’re navigating family dynamics, aiming to strengthen your relationships, or simply seeking professional transformation, you’re about to learn the tools and strategies to achieve all that – and more.
In this episode, you will learn:
- The four stages of relationships and how to navigate them.
- How to handle recurring challenges in relationships.
- The importance of facilitation in resolving conflicts.
- Practical hacks for identifying what you want.
- Why clarity is the key to successful arguments.
- And more!
Resources:
rebeccahsilence.com | Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain and Create the Life You Want | The Emotional Survival Kit | YouTube: Rebecca Silence | Facebook: Rebeccah Silence | Twitter: Rebecca Silence | Bautis Financial: 8 Hillside Ave, Suite LL1 Montclair, New Jersey 07042 (862) 205-5000 | Schedule an Introductory Call
Disclosure: The transcript below has been edited for clarity and content. It is not a direct transcription of the full episode, which can be listened to above.
Welcome back to The Agent of Wealth Podcast, this is your host Marc Bautis. Today, I’m joined by a special guest…
Meet Rebeccah Silence, Self Healing and Relationship Expert. She’s not just changing lives; she’s redefining family happiness for audiences around the world.
As an award-winning author, coach, and media personality, her mission is clear and deeply achievable: to ensure every child grows up with healed, joyful parents, and that every couple discovers a love that’s not just sustainable but blissfully transformative. Through her unparalleled expertise in healing generational trauma, Rebeccah turns the dream of a harmonious, love-filled home into an accessible everyday reality.
Her own story of resilience and triumph and 16 years of client success stories assures you that profound, lasting happiness isn’t just possible — it’s within reach.
Rebeccah, welcome to the show.
Thank you, Marc, for having me.
We are so excited to have you here. To start off, could you tell our audience a bit about your background and what inspired you to focus on self-healthing and transforming family dynamics?
Absolutely. I’ve always been determined and deeply believe that trauma doesn’t have to define our lives. Everyone experiences trauma in some form — when I use the term, I define it as heartbreak, and I believe all heartbreak can heal.
For me, this journey began with a vision of love, family, and marriage that I dreamed of as a child but didn’t see in my own home. I grew up in an environment marked by domestic violence and addiction. Later, I survived a domestic violence marriage and even beat cancer with only a 5% chance of survival. These experiences shaped me, but they’re not my greatest testimony to healing. My greatest proof is the life I’ve created — a life filled with love, peace, and joy. I’ve also helped over 1,000 people in my private practice achieve their own versions of that dream.
I live what I teach. I truly believe we can be the most healed, authentic versions of ourselves, no matter what challenges we’ve faced. My mission is to transform the conversation about trauma into an empowering one.
That’s such an incredible story. One thing that stood out to me in preparing for this conversation was your emphasis on family meetings as a tool for achieving harmony and healing within family dynamics. Could you talk about how these meetings strengthen relationships and foster unity?
Of course. My approach focuses on the idea that healing starts with you. All it takes is one person in the family deciding, “I’m committed to being my best self.” This means becoming emotionally regulated, seeing everyone — including yourself — with compassion, and focusing on solutions rather than problems.
I don’t claim to heal entire families. Instead, I help individuals realize that their own healing can create a ripple effect. When you show up as your best self, it creates a safe and secure environment at home. This often inspires others to heal, but even if they don’t, you can still be okay. Healing doesn’t depend on others changing; it starts with you.
So many people think, “If only my spouse, child, or parent would change, everything would be fine.” But that mindset leads to disappointment and turbulence. True transformation happens when you take responsibility for your own healing and decide to embody the love, peace, and light you want to see in your home.
So, it really starts with just one person?
Exactly. I call this person the “generational healer.” Often, they’re the family member who feels like something isn’t right and yearns for better relationships. As a child, they might have thought, “Why can’t we just love each other more?” Sometimes, they feel like the problem because they see dysfunction that others accept as normal. But just because no one else saw what you saw doesn’t mean you were wrong — it means you were onto something.
That makes so much sense. But how does someone get started? People are so different — some might not even realize there’s a problem, others might know but avoid addressing it, and some are too introverted to take the first step. What advice do you have for taking that initial step toward self-healing?
Great question. Many of my clients come to me ready to reinvent themselves and break free from what I call “high-functioning unhappiness.” These are people who are incredibly successful — achievers, leaders, doers — but they feel an underlying sense of stress, pressure, or emotional misalignment.
The first step is recognizing that it’s possible to be both high-functioning and happy. Many people fear that pursuing happiness might threaten the success they’ve built—whether it’s their career, marriage, or financial stability. My work isn’t about threatening the high-functioning part of your life; it’s about addressing the unhappiness and finding freedom.
Healing starts with a simple “yes.” You don’t have to know how you’ll do it yet. Just raise your hand and commit to reinventing your life. Happiness doesn’t have to be an either-or scenario. You can keep the parts of your life you love while letting go of the parts that hold you back.
As part of your work with clients, do you take a comprehensive look at their lives to identify areas that may need attention? Or is it more about completely redefining who they are?
It’s really about redefining just a small percentage — maybe 5% — of how someone thinks, behaves, copes, or the habits they’ve developed. While it feels significant, the goal is to keep the best parts of who they are intact. Many personal development coaches emphasize the idea that you need to “break down to breakthrough.” I completely disagree. You don’t need a breakdown to experience a breakthrough. You just need to recognize when something is missing and make the decision to address it.
My approach is about helping clients understand who they want to be. We don’t wake up one day and instantly know our true selves; we often wake up feeling like something is off. My role is to help clients identify the version of themselves they aspire to be, so they can show up as that person consistently, no matter where they go or who they’re with.
In today’s world, especially as we head into 2024 and beyond, there’s an increasing need for grounded, centered, and consistent leadership — people choosing to be their best selves, even when others may not “deserve” it. That’s the ultimate freedom: being the best version of yourself, true to who you are, in every situation.
That’s powerful. Shifting gears, what advice would you give to someone who has a loved one — whether it’s a child, parent, spouse, or friend — going through something traumatic? How can they encourage that person to take steps toward healing?
That’s a great question. First, I’d recommend my book, Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal from Pain and Create the Life You Want. It’s won awards as a top self-love and self-worth book and provides a step-by-step guide to healing. At the end of every chapter, there are exercises designed to help readers apply the concepts to their own lives. It’s a resource you can give to a loved one.
But here’s the key: If someone else’s struggles are causing you stress, the real work is figuring out how to stay at peace with their free will, agency, and choices — while remaining the best version of yourself. So often, we want others to change or heal because their situation makes us uncomfortable. I call this out because it’s a common truth many people don’t acknowledge. Until you’re okay respecting their journey and staying true to yourself, there’s more work to do.
Yes, you can gift my book, sign them up for my course (The Emotional Survival Kit), or even hire me to work with them. But ultimately, it’s about modeling what healing looks like by being your best self consistently. When you embody healing, you create space for others to feel inspired and curious about what’s possible for them. It’s not about forcing change; it’s about leading by example.
Some of my own family members, after two decades of watching me do this work, have only recently started asking, “Wait, what are you doing?” You never know who’s observing your journey or when they’ll decide to take their own first step.
That’s such a thoughtful approach. Do you have any advice for preventing trauma or avoiding situations where healing might later become necessary? For example, in my work with clients, I’ve seen how intergenerational wealth responsibilities can strain relationships. Families don’t anticipate it, but sometimes these situations lead to tension and conflict. What can be done to avoid that?
That’s an excellent question, and I’m familiar with the scenarios you’re describing. I’ve coached several financial advisors and their clients, so I’ve seen firsthand how these dynamics can unfold. To prevent breakdowns — whether about money or any other topic — it starts with two things: clarity on who you want to be and creating strong, clear agreements.
Let’s talk about agreements. They are the foundation of healthy relationships, and their strength can make or break a family. A great agreement isn’t about rigid rules; it’s about clarity and mutual respect. For example, I worked with a billionaire who has an agreement with their children: no inheritance until they’ve demonstrated financial literacy and responsibility. That’s a clear and fair agreement, and there’s no confusion about it.
For couples, agreements might involve delineating separate and joint finances to ensure both partners feel independent and respected. Every family’s agreements will look different — it’s about finding what works for your dynamic.
Recently, I worked with a couple where one partner was wealthy, and the other was going through a financially difficult divorce. We spent two days creating agreements that gave them both a sense of equality and independence, despite the disparity in their financial situations. It’s about being brave enough to say, “Here’s what I need, here’s what I want, and here’s what I propose as a solution.” Then, it’s equally important to ask, “What do you need? What do you want? What solution works best for you?” Negotiating until you find a win-win is essential.
Sometimes, having a neutral third party to facilitate these conversations makes all the difference. I work with families and couples on agreements about money, parenting, and even sex, because these conversations can feel like climbing Mount Everest without guidance.
And here’s an important point: agreements aren’t permanent. They’re about what works right now. You can revisit and renegotiate them whenever someone feels the need. For example, in my second marriage, I refused to combine finances for seven years because of past financial betrayals. Eventually, we created a new agreement when I felt ready.
The key is to recognize that healthy agreements come from a place of healed, mature decision-making — not from unhealed emotional patterns. By being intentional and proactive, you can avoid unnecessary conflict and create relationships that thrive.
What’s the best way to begin the process of coming to an agreement? I imagine this could apply to various relationships — parent-child, child-parent, contractor, team member, or employee.
Exactly. It applies to all relationships. For example, I’m coaching a CEO working for a family-owned business. The salary and benefits no longer align with what they need to feel motivated. That’s a hard conversation, but it’s necessary: “If you want me to stay as CEO, here’s what I need to feel good about it.”
The process begins simply: take out a piece of paper and ask yourself, What do I need? What do I want? How do I feel? What’s my ideal outcome? Getting crystal clear on these points is crucial. Then, approach the other person and say, “Here’s where I’m at. Ideally, I’d love for us to work together to land on a win-win agreement. What are your thoughts?” This back-and-forth exchange continues until you reach a mutually beneficial solution.
But often, the hardest part is answering the question, What do you want? It’s easy to identify what’s not working, but getting clear on what would be ideal takes work. For those struggling, here are two hacks:
- Ask yourself what you want for others. Often, what you wish for them mirrors what you want for yourself.
- List what you don’t want anymore, then write down the opposite. Even if you’re guessing, this exercise can help you refine what you truly desire.
Once you have clarity, try it on like a new outfit — see how it feels. Then, ask for it.
When you’re working with two parties, do you coach just one side or help both come to that win-win situation?
I do both, though I call it facilitation rather than mediation. It’s about guiding transformation and breakthroughs. For example, I’m currently coaching a client privately to help her navigate a tough agreement with someone she works with. In other cases, I work directly with both parties — or even an entire family — to get everyone aligned.
Regardless of the setup, the results can be incredibly quick. Healing and breakthroughs don’t have to take forever. They can happen in a moment, just like breakdowns.
If you’re worried about a conversation not going well, reach out to me ahead of time. I can help you prepare and navigate it successfully. Whether it’s a single session, ongoing coaching, or a two-day intensive to tackle everything at once, I’m here to help.
What advice do you have for getting families — or teams — on the same page?
I teach four stages of relationships, which normalizes the process and makes challenges feel less overwhelming. Here’s the progression:
- Fresh Love: Everything feels great, but this is just the beginning. There are no deep roots yet.
- Disillusionment: Doubts creep in, and we think, What was I thinking? But this stage is where roots begin to grow. Commitment is crucial here — stay in the game, even when it’s tough.
- Power and Control: This stage often feels worse, with battles of “I’m right, you’re wrong.” Many relationships end here, but the way through is creating a new agreement.
- Reinvention: On the other side of power struggles, you emerge stronger, with a renewed and deeper connection.
These stages aren’t a one-time journey. You’ll cycle through them again and again, whether it’s in a relationship, a career, or even with money. The key is normalizing the process and recognizing relationships — whether with people or money — are mirrors of your inner growth.
Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing your insights today. Where can listeners learn more about you and your work?
You can find my book, Coming Back to Life: A Roadmap to Heal From Pain, to Create the Life You Want, wherever books are sold. And please visit my website at RebeccaSilence.com.
I also have nearly 800 videos on YouTube, and you can connect with me on any social media platform @RebeccaSilence. If you DM me your biggest takeaway from today, I’ll send you a free gift.
That’s fantastic. We’ll include all those links in the show notes. Thanks again, Rebecca, and thank you to everyone who tuned into today’s episode. Don’t forget to follow The Agent of Wealth on the platform you listen from and leave us a review of the show. We are currently accepting new clients, if you’d like to schedule a 1-on-1 consultation with our advisors, please do so below.
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